...Milo said, with his head drooping again, "I was sent overseas as a pilot, and I should be flying more combat missions and spending less time on my duties as mess officer."

Colonel Cathcart was surprised but co-operative. "Well, Milo, if you really feel that way, I'm sure we can make whatever arrangements you want. How long have you been overseas now?"

"Eleven months, sir."

"And how many missions have you flown?"

"Five."

"Five?" asked Colonel Cathcart.

"Five, sir."

"Five, eh?" Colonel Cathcart rubbed his cheek pensively. "That isn't very good, is it?"

"Isn't it?" asked Milo in a sharply edged voice, glancing up again.

Colonel Cathcart quailed. "On the contrary, that's very good, Milo," he corrected himself hastily. "It isn't bad at all."

"No, Colonel," Milo said, with a long, languishing, wistful sigh, "it isn't very good. Although it's very generous of you to say so."

"But it's really not bad, Milo. Not bad at all when you consider all your other valuable contributions. Five missions, you say? Just five?"

"Just five, sir?"

"Just five." Colonel Cathcart grew awfully depressed for a moment as he wondered what Milo was really thinking, and whether he had already got a black eye with him. "Five is very good, Milo," he observed with enthusiasm, spying a ray of hope. "That averages out to almost one combat mission every two months. And I'll bet your total doesn't even include the time you bombed us."

"Yes, sir, it does."

"It does?" inquired Colonel Cathcart with mild wonder. "You didn't actually fly along on that mission, did you? If I remember correctly, you were in the control tower with me, weren't you?"

"But it was my mission," Milo contended. "I organized it, and we used my planes and supplies. I planned and supervised the whole thing."

"Oh, certainly, Milo, certainly, I'm not disputing you. I'm only checking the figures to make sure you're claiming all you're entitled to. Did you also include the time we contracted with you to bomb the bridge at Orvieto?"

"Oh, no sir. I didn't think I should, since I was in Orvieto at the time directing the antiaircraft fire."

"I don't see what difference that makes, Milo. It was still your mission. And a damned good one, too, I must say. We didn't get the bridge, but we did have a beautiful bomb pattern. I remember General Peckem commenting on it. No, Milo, I insist you count Orvieto as a mission, too."

"If you insist, sir."

"I do insist, Milo. Now, let's see - you now have a grand total of six missions, which is damned good, Milo, damned good, really. Six missions is an increase of twenty per cent in just a couple of minutes, which is not bad at all, Milo, not bad at all..."

Joseph Heller, Catch-22