Limericks for 2017
I've heard Finland's depressingly cold
And the days are all night, I am told ...
But their coffee's so strong
They're awake all day long—
And aware they're a hundred years old!
(December, 2017)
Story
here
There once was a prince, name o' Harry
With whom Meghan Markle did tarry
And tarry, and dally
So long, it's not Sally
But Meghan that Harry will marry!
(November, 2017)
Story
here
When the Trump motor-cade clogs your route
As you cycle your daily commute
It's your chance to display
What you think of Trump's way
With a bold middle-fingered salute!
(October, 2017)
Story
here
There's a reason an Apple is sweet
And a Windows is never a treat:
It lets logging in be
Just the press of one key—
As opposed to Control-Alt-Delete!
(September, 2017)
Story
here
In Geneva some guys made a dash
To the loo to deposit a stash
They made large euro drops ...
Which did puzzle the cops ...
But it's clear—they were just flush with cash!
(September, 2017)
Story
here
Now monkeys with selfies are grinning
Their copyright law is beginning
Said one: Since I make
But a fourth of the take
I have lost—but it feels like I'm winning!
(September, 2017)
Story
here
Why is Harry so happy for Kate?
Why's that new royal bump simply "Great!"? ...
'Cos he's bumped to sixth zone
In the line to the throne? ...
Now convinced he'll ne'er be Head of State?
(September, 2017)
Story
here and
here
If America's dark during day
While a total eclipse is in play
And they silence the chime
Of Big Ben for a time ...
Why can't Trump's light and sound go away?
(August, 2017)
To escape from a flood as a sheep
Up a slope that is steep can you creep
But for rabbits it's found
To escape being drowned
On the back of a sheep must you leap!
(July, 2017)
Story
here
When disposable contacts are used
Reinsertion each morning's excused
But you must take them out
Once a month, thereabout ...
Or a ton in your eye will have fused!
(July, 2017)
Story
here
When designing a driverless jeep
It is easy to make it go "Beep!"
At an elk or a moose ...
But it's hard to deduce
When a wild kangaroo's on a leap!
(June, 2017)
Story
here
A gorilla in Dallas's zoo
Who got bored with what zoos have to do
Learnt to make a big splash
With cyclonic panache
To get viewed over YouTube by You!
(June, 2017)
Story
here
It ain't easy to study in school
If your clothes are too hot to stay cool
When, for boys, shorts are banned ...
Which is why some boys planned
To wear skirts to obey their dress rule!
(June, 2017)
Story
here
Said a Frenchman: Though England's not far
Claustrophobia's well above par
In the Chunnel on trains
Or on passenger planes ...
So to England I flew in my car!
(June, 2017)
Story
here
Said Melania, "Please understand
On the tarmac just after we land:
I am not Mrs. May
And I'll bat you away
If you think about grabbing my hand!"
(May, 2017)
Story
here
Once an eight-year-old, perched at the wheel
Drove two miles in an automobile
To McDonald's he sped
Doing what YouTube said
To obtain little sister a meal!
(April, 2017)
Story
here
Once a dog who could skip mighty fine
Kept a count till she reached fifty-nine
Then with consummate glee
To her human, said she:
Now the Guinness World Record is mine!
(April, 2017)
Story
here
Once a shell from the Second World War
Re-emerged on the Thames river shore
Where the Boat Race is rowed ...
But it did not explode—
Leaving Cambridge to bomb with the oar!
(April, 2017)
Story here and
here ("bomb" in the
sense of "move very quickly" for the women's race but "fail badly" for the
men's race)
Mused a very light-fingered young miss
Whom the pontiff had ventured to kiss:
"I did not expect that!"—
So she whipped off his hat
And he laughed: "I did not expect this!"
(March, 2017)
Story
here
Mar-a-Lago's a fatcat's retreat
It's a place for a wealthy elite
To enjoy a swell time
On the taxpayer's dime
Feeding Donald's egregious conceit!
(March, 2017)
Story
here
Thinks the Donald: It's time to distract
I'll invent an alternative fact
I've been wire-tapped, I'll say ...
Is there evidence? Nay—
But Obama's by whom I've been hacked!
(March, 2017)
Story
here
The wife of a brutal dictator
From somewhere beyond the equator
Said, "Vote for my man
Any way that you can
Till the day he's a corpse—and then later!"
(February, 2017)
Story
here
Once a teacher asked, what would it take
To make "present, sir" harder to fake? ...
Now his kids all feel cool
And uniquely greet school
With their characteristic hand-shake!
(February, 2017)
Story
here
On the 20th, right at high noon
The Obama years ended too soon
When the Justice swore in
Not the girl who did win—
But a dangerous fatcat buffoon!
(January, 2017)
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