Limericks for 2016
A snake on its Christmas vacation
In Melbourne aroused consternation
By curling with glee
Round a cool Christmas tree
Where it made for an odd decoration!
(December, 2016)
Story here
As an old white male richer than most
Who of friendship with Putin can boast
And is happy to sing
That the Donald is king ...
Rex, you're in!—Here's your cabinet post!
(December, 2016)
Story here
The Donald's a garbage transmitter
He's flooding the Web with his litter
Before each day's dawning
Such trash is he spawning ...
Oh, why don't they cancel his Twitter?
(December, 2016)
The Donald's a creature of vanity
Misogyny, hate and profanity
A xenophobe, liar
And climate denier ...
And next US prez—what insanity!
(November, 2016)
Though Ulm Minster be ever so tall
When a guy must respect nature's call
'Tis a most welcome sight
Not because of its height—
But the width of its lowermost wall!
(October, 2016)
Story
here
Presidential debate number two
Did exhibit each candidate's view:
Donald's ignorance, hate
And his blustering gait
Against Hillary's reasoned can-do!
(October, 2016)
Said the Donald: "For dealing with foes
You've no stamina, girl, and it shows" ...
But who tired of debate
As the evening grew late
And was all out of steam at the close?!
(September, 2016)
Story
here
It is commonly thought feeling blue
Is a feeling you'd rather eschew
But for lobsters in brine
Feeling blue feels divine ...
'Cos it means you won't make lobster stew!
(August, 2016)
Story
here
There was once an extreme xeno-phobe
Who would banish the rest of the globe
He said, "I shall dictate
'Make America great'" ...
But this emperor had no ward-robe!
(August, 2016)
The Mother of All Narcissistics
Has nastyish characteristics
His daily routine
Is Regress to the Mean ...
Yet he's plainly no good at statistics!
(August, 2016)
When the circus is coming to town
Boris Johnson's your man—he's a clown
But in foreign affairs
Where he's apt to cause scares
His appointment earns only thumbs down!
(July, 2016)
Story
here or
here
An old country they call the UK
Is no longer united, I'd say ...
'Cos one half holds the view
They should leave the EU
And one half holds the view they should stay!
(June, 2016)
Said Elizabeth: As I'm your Queen
I must never be lost on your screen
If my big birthday do
On your desktop you view ...
So I'll dress in a vivid lime green!
(June, 2016)
Story
here
A gull who once fell in a slurry
Of chicken masala turned VURRY
Bright orange ... and frightened
That though he'd been whitened
He'd always smell strongly of curry!
(June, 2016)
Story
here
A passenger caused flight cessation
By noting with great consternation:
"That guy next to me
Must a terrorist be ...
'Cos he's writing a funny equation!"
(May, 2016)
Story
here
It is hard to believe but it's true
When an elephant does Number Two
With the right expertise
It can save the world's trees
Making quality paper for you!
(May, 2016)
Story
here
In old England there once was a queen
Who survived World War II as a teen
Now she's ninety years old
And her reign, I am told
Is the longest there ever has been!
(April, 2016)
Story
here
Once an octopus, name of Ink-ee
Thought his tank was no fun place to be
So he used his big brain
To escape down the drain
And now happily lives out at sea!
(April, 2016)
Story
here
Panamanian banks are the place
To invest without showing your face
If, of money, you've stacks
And you hate paying tax
Then they'll hide all your wealth without trace!
(April, 2016)
Story
here
Once some cops in a chopper did fail
To spot burglars they set out to tail ...
But some children below
Formed a human ar-row
Saying "There!!!"—now those crooks are in jail!
(April, 2016)
Story
here
A Republican candidate, Trump
Peddles snake oil for votes on the stump
He is just a buffoon
But success as tycoon
Lets him brag that his change isn't chump!
(March, 2016)
Once les oignons could spell haute cuisine
But today's kids won't know what they mean—
'Cos new rulings decree
'Twixt the o and the g
There's no i where the i would have been!
(February, 2016)
Story
here
A once favored Republican chap
To be prez had a major mishap
When Jeb!'s passionate speech
Did supporters not reach—
Leaving Jeb! just imploring, "Please clap"!
(February, 2016)
Story
here
There was once a young lady called Rose
With a boyfriend who would not propose ...
So when leap year came by
She instead asked her guy—
Now she's wed to the sweetheart she chose!
(February, 2016)
Story
here
Once a dog who was fond of a chase
Found the start of a thirteen-mile race...
Though she'd trained not a bit
She would prove she was fit—
'Cos she finished in high seventh place!
(January, 2016)
Story
here
There once was a lottery ticket
Whose owners were thrilled they did pick it
They're rich!!! Like a king!!!...
Oh, provided one thing—
They remember just where they did stick it!
(January, 2016)
Story
here
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