Limericks for 2019
A nativity play spread the Word
While a ripple of laughter was heard ...
'Cos with joy reconciled
An oblivious child
Was seen giving her mother the bird!
(December, 2019)
Story
here
Once a foot was a foot, now it's not
Over distance it matters a lot
Right across the US
Once had twenty eight less—
'Cos surveyors mismeasured what's what!
(December, 2019)
Story
here
A labrador's just a retriever
Returning what's heaved to its heaver ...
Unless it's rehearsing
Returns by reversing
A car in a circular fever!
(November, 2019)
Story
here
Once the gifted Tom Hanks said he'd play
Mister Rogers by acting his way
But he did it so well
Them apart, you can't tell—
Though it makes for a beautiful day!
(November, 2019)
Said a bear who had followed its snout
To a feast in a bin: There's no doubt
That I locked myself in
When I burgled this bin—
I'm in jail till the law lets me out!
(November, 2019)
Story
here
There once was a blonde politician
World rule was his stated ambition
And since Europe ever
Would thwart this endeavour
To get Brexit done was his mission!
(October, 2019)
Story
here
Once a school who'd exam cheats outfox
Cased kids' heads in a box like Fort Knox
To deter prying eyes—
But 'twas clearly unwise ...
And it stopped thinking outside the box!
(October, 2019)
Story
here
Once the Samsung S10 assured some
'Twas the cell phone whose future had come
With its fingerprint lock—
But they learnt to their shock
That it opens for anyone's thumb!
(October, 2019)
Story
here
Said a Dutchman: While waiting nine years
For the end of all time, it appears
All I've done is build thirst—
So before it ends, first
Be an angel and pour me five beers!
(October, 2019)
Story
here
Once when asked for an answer in full
Why a bull on a rope he did pull
Boris Johnson replied:
So it can't be denied
That I pull what I'm full of—it's bull!
(September, 2019)
Story
here
A raccoon who got stuck in a grate
For two hours but escaped a worse fate
Said: I think I have found
Though my neck was once round
Now its shape is as square as a crate!
(August, 2019)
Story
here
Now no matter which country you're in
The US or UK, you can't win:
Either side of the Pond
Is their king a dumb blonde—
Either one is the other's worse twin!
(July, 2019)
Boris Johnson now sits in the den
At the once so esteemed Number Ten
So the method of rule
Will be playing the fool
And we'll yearn to see wisdom again!
(July, 2019)
Once a hip cockatoo did I meet
Who had strikingly musical feet
Be it jazz, rock or soul
He would shake, rattle, roll
And ne'er once in his dance missed a beat!
(July, 2019)
Story
here
Said the Donald: Most people don't know
That they first flew the plane long ago
For George Washington's stand
When all airports were manned
By the army rebelling below!
(July, 2019)
Story
here
There once was a most narcissistic
Old conman who oft went ballistic
If you didn't praise
His self-worshipping ways
Of distorting each latest statistic!
(July, 2019)
"Now the press have got out of my way"
Said Prince Philip,"I'm able to say
Just whatever I please ...
Foot-in-mouth's no disease—
So I'm having a splendid birth-day!"
(June, 2019)
Story
here
At Housing Ben Carson's a rookie
A House member says to him: "Lookie!
Explain REO ...
What is wrong, don't you know?" ...
"Sure I do," responds Ben, "it's a cookie!"
(May, 2019)
Story
here
Once in Maltby no bus ever neared
Where a bus stop, brand new, had appeared ...
"With a very smooth chin
Did my waiting begin"
Said one man—"but now look at my beard!"
(May, 2019)
Story
here
Mused the Sussexes: Now we must try
For a name that will keep our brand high ...
Can't sound stuffy or starchy ...
Let's call our son Archie
He'll sound like a working-class guy!
(May, 2019)
Story
here
Once a whale swam to Norway direct
With state secrets for them to collect
But they let the whale go—
Seems they just didn't know
'Twas a Russian who'd asked to defect!
(April, 2019)
Story
here
Did you hear that—the bathroom door knob? ...
It's a burglar who's trying to rob! ...
Get the cops to explore! ...
Watch them break down the door! ...
On a Roomba just doing its job!
(April, 2019)
Story
here
Solidarity's high with your bro
When you're pulling a sled in the snow ...
So there's scarcely a doubt
If your musher should shout
Then you'll show him who's boss and not go!
(March, 2019)
Story
here
At his State of the Union address
Donald Trump bragged tremendous success
In increasing the shares
Of all billionaires
While ensuring all poor folks get less!
(February, 2019)
Story
here
Some prizes for gender equality
Brought Arabic women no jollity ...
Dubai's ruling lords
Judged that all the awards
Go to males of their Middle East polity!
(January, 2019)
Story
here
Said Canadians: There'll be no truce
With Norwegians until we produce
A new moose of such height
To prevail in our fight
Over who has the world's tallest moose!
(January, 2019)
Story
here
A rare frog who's so lonely and shy
And too portly to catch a girl's eye
Has been found a blind date ...
If he'll only lose weight
It could mean that his species won't die!
(January, 2019)
Story
here
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