Limericks for 2025

Trump

Though you castigate POTUS by tweet,
Robert Prevost, I can't wait to meet
Up—for Deal of the Day:
Make our great USA
Purchase all of the Square of St. Pete!

(May, 2025; appeared in Oddball Magazine on the 2nd June)
Story here

R-Word

Reclaiming the R-word will show one
We've had it with wokeness, says Joe, one
Of Elon's far right
Roaring R-words to slight
Dudes ... but doesn't it take one to know one?

(May, 2025; appeared in Oddball Magazine on the 2nd June)
Story here

Gary Lineker's conduct of play
Was pitch-perfect: no ref had to say
'You're sent off. Leave the field'—
Though the Beeb has revealed
He's red-carded from Match of the Day!

(May, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 23rd)
Story here

Blackout shopping advice: don't get rid
Of the banknotes you knowingly hid
In your mattress—what use
Is no cash if no juice
Is supplied by the energy Grid?

(April, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on 20th May)
Story here

If you're granting permission today,
Is 'You can' the correct thing to say?
These are words I'd impugn
Between April and June—
Since the right thing to say is, 'You May'!

(May, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 15th)

Tesla

There can't be a beautiful deal on
EVs having no steering wheel on,
Since tariffs make Tes-
La lose value—which says
Au revoir between Donald and Elon!

(April, 2025; appeared in Oddball Magazine on the 28th)
Story here

For an actor who beats his own drum
With long speeches, the moment had come
For an Oscar repeat,
But his mouth was replete—
So his girlfriend got pelted with gum!

(March, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 14th)
Story here

When a kayaker's caught in a gale,
Caused by being engulfed by a whale,
He expects he will die—
But this Chilean guy
Is still living and telling his tale!

(February, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on 6th March)
Story here

From Washington to the Pacific,
America reels from prolific
Executive orders
On movement at borders
By Trump—who opines, "I'm tariffic!"

(February, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 11th)
Story here

Danes

Donald Trump would like Greenland to be
An American state by decree.
Nettled Danes, with a scoff,
Explete: Donald, f*** off—
Speaking words understood by DT!

(January, 2025; appeared in Oddball Magazine on 3rd March)
Story here

Perps

Perps with accents produced by RP
Elocution are judged not to be
Really criminal, yet
People charmed by this set
Should beware when posh fingers are free!

(January, 2025; appeared in Oddball Magazine on 10th February)
Story here

When reform's overdue by a load,
Politicians respond using code.
They will promise to do
Yet another review—
But they're kicking the can down the road!

(January, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 17th)
Story here

If you hope, as a teen, to outsmart
Every other guy throwing a dart,
Then you'd best learn to play
Darts before you can say
'Darts'—in nappies is how you should start!

(January, 2025; appeared in the Daily Mail on the 16th)
Story here

Hilda

Heifer Hilda's lab-bred derrière
Is designed to relieve the despair
Left behind by ten score
Dirty-coal years or more—
As it issues low-methane hot air!

(January, 2025; appeared in Oddball Magazine on the 6th)
Story here

© 2025
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